To start things off, this is officially the beginning of week sixteen, so let it be known that I am not skipping this week just because it’s Christmas as well.  And besides, it’s almost 1:30 in the morning and I’ve nothing better to do. 

I’ve been eating too much of the wrong food.  Candy of all sorts, cookies, appetizers, pop, etc. and I’m starting to feel it.  Take today for example:

Breakfast: A sip of water and one Reeses peanut butter cup.  I think that’s all I managed to get down as I tried to get the kids fed and get all of us ready to head to church.

Lunch: A bit more healthy, but not quite solid enough, I suspect.  Salad with fried onions and pecans for topping with Asian Sesame dressing, a few pieces of smoked Gouda, lobster pate on two wheat thins, chips and guacamole…not sure I can remember what else I ate, but I did have two and a half Christmas cookies and split a butter tart with Jenny.  And a cup of Earl Gray tea with cream and sugar.  And some eggnog (“watered” down with milk).  I think that was about it.  I was satisfied, but I get the feeling that it has something to do with how I feel now.

Supper: Fried Tilapia in cajun seasoning, asparagus, butternut squash.  This meal sounds a whole lot healthier and certainly felt better going down since I got some veggies in there, but it was perhaps not quite enough to redeem the rest of the day.  And certainly not enough to redeem what followed.

The rest of the night: Donut and hot chocolate at hockey (someone brought about six dozen donuts and hot chocolate for the annual rec. vs. church hockey game that my father-in-law puts on), one Reeses cup, more or less, since Jenny had a few bites, about six Sour Patch Kids, remainder of a bag of Cheezies, and a few sips of water (still at hockey).  After coming home: one donut brought home from hockey.  We were the last ones there and someone said we should take them.  Thanks.  Now I have a dozen leftover donuts in my house.  I can literally smell them right now from their perch atop the high chair in the living room.  Sickly sweet.  After donut:  water, sip of juice to see how it tasted (new variety, I was curious), approximately 15 vegetarian samosas, most of which were dipped in some sort of plum sauce.  Followed by two cups of water. 

This isn’t even taking into consideration what I ate yesterday (way too much Coke and a slushy on the way home..what on earth was I thinking?).  And what I’ll eat tomorrow.  Or the next day.  I yearn right now for the strength to fast and clean out my system, but pregnancy simply won’t allow it.  And as sick as I might feel now, I know that tomorrow morning, I’ll be hungry again, willing to dig into the last of the donuts to fill my stomach.  Where did the days of yogurt and eggs go?  The days when I made an effort to watch what I ate so that I could quit gaining weight?  Well, I’m on my pregnancy diet now, and what I crave gets attention.  In the past, it’s worked wonderfully for me: I eat what I like when I like and I’ve never gained more than 33 pounds in a pregnancy (and that one was eight days overdue).  I weight twenty-five pounds less now than I did at this point in my last pregnancy, which is obviously a good thing, but my weight loss doesn’t care much for the all-sugar diet (I don’t blame it).  This poor child is going to come out with a sugar (and possibly caffeine) addiction and I won’t know what to do with it. 

It’s easy to write about the ills of my diet right now because my stomach is threatening mutiny at the moment.  Gurgling and aching for relief….with no relief in sight.  My best bet is to take my Diclectin with a nice big gulp of water, take a few Tums, brush my teeth and go to bed.  With any luck, I’d fall asleep quickly and not have to get up to puke.

The problem is that tomorrow, all the same stuff will appeal to me again.  Candy and Coke and chips and so forth will call out to me like sirens.  I ought to resist, but I’m not sure I’ll want to when it comes down to it. 

On a different subject, the ranks of mothers and father keep filling up as my husband’s first cousin and his wife just had a baby girl.  She was a month early and not supposed to be the first grandchild as her cousin was due to be born before her (sometime the end of this month).  The little unnamed thing weighed around five pounds.  Makes me glad I’ve never had a baby that early.  With that announcement, coming by way of my mother-in-law, came another: that little baby will have another cousin, as my husband’s other cousin and his wife are expecting now as well.  It will have taken my in-laws almost three years to have three grandchildren (almost four) while it will only take my husband’s aunt another eight months or so to have three.  Number one born yesterday, number two due in a few weeks and number three due sometime next year (August, perhaps?).  Even though we don’t see them very often, I’m very excited about all the babies coming into the world.  I like to know that I’m not alone in this part of life.  It should be obvious, but somehow it’s just so much more reassuring to have people all around me having babies. 

Well, I feel like I might be rambling a bit and not making much sense anymore (which is highly possible, given the hour), so I’d better put an end to it.  I may even write again this week, but hopefully if I do, I won’t be feeling like puking or falling asleep in my chair. 

Merry Christmas and thanks for reading (if anyone still is)!!

Week fifteen and changes are speeding up, I suspect.  I’ve had far more energy this last week and not nearly so much sick stomach (thank goodness!).  I also have had at least one person comment on my belly.  If I wear a sweater, it’s not so noticable, but with a t-shirt on, I have a pretty noticeable bump.  I also feel a significant tightness in my only pair of jeans.  They were big enough to pull straight off without unbuttoning before I got pregnant, but now I at least have to undo the button, if not the zipper.  My favourites at the moment are grey dress pants that my mother-in-law bought me just after I got married – they came from Salvation Army and cost her a whole dollar.  They still look great and fit nice and loose so nothing is digging in.  I have to wear a belt or they would fall down easily, but that makes me pretty giddy in itself.  Here I am, on my third pregnancy, and the pants that I had to squeeze into before I was ever pregnant fit me loosely!  Hooray!  I feel pretty good about the size I am now and I feel healthy, even if I’m still technically overweight according to my body mass index. 

On a completely (more or less) different topic, my eye was caught by this headline: Skateboarders Rescue Baby Left in Dumpster and article.  Two brothers in Queens, aged 15 and 13 were skateboarding by around 8 pm when they heard the baby making noise.  They quickly went to check and found her facing down in a paper bag.  She was cold, but according to the hospital, she’s fine.  She still had her umbilical cord attached and was very fortunate to be found when she was. 

It still amazes me that people can do that to babies, but in a society where inconvenient children are dealt with in a number of frightening ways, it shouldn’t be a surprise.  I imagine a great deal of it has to do with panic on the part of the mother or at times, both parents.  The baby is unwanted and the trouble is unwanted, even just the trouble of finding a safe place to leave the child.  The parent panics and figures that no one will ever have to know if they put the child in a dumpster or throw them in a river or any number of other quick solutions that endanger or take the life of the child. 

As I read the article, a chilling thought came to me – we always hear the story told when a child is found – whether it lives or not – but how often are babies dumped and not found?  How many children lay unnoticed and uncared for until they die and then are dumped along with banana peels, dirty diapers and un-needed household furniture?  How many are dumped while still alive?  The thought also entered my mind that if that baby had been sleeping or just not making noise when those boys skated by, she may have never been found. 

When I read stories like this, I long for the days when it was acceptable to leave babies at churches or hospitals and not face charges of neglect.  Of course, the ideal would be for mothers who do not wish to keep their children to set up adoption in advance, but I suspect that some (particularly young girls) think in some part of their minds that they do want to keep their babies.  When the child is in their arms after a painful delivery, instead of love and affection, panic ensues.  The thought of caring for the child for even one day while awaiting foster care is simply too much and so they do the unthinkable. 

I cannot imagine that these acts are ever very pre-meditated.  With abortion being readily available, why on earth would someone face criminal charges for abandoning their baby after it is born?  And if a girl has decided not to kill her baby through an abortion, why would she kill it (or allow it to die) after its birth? 

Having a baby can be overwhelming in so many ways, but my only experience has been pure joy upon holding my children.  Instant love.  A desire to protect and nurture.  While I cannot imagine feeling anything but these emotions, there are women out there who do feel something else.  I feel for them and for those babies and the futures they will or will not have.  In the ideal world, we would all wait for sex and marriage until we were ready to be parents (physically and otherwise) and we would cherish the children we bore.  But in that world, what would happen to those unable to conceive on their own?  Adoption is a viable, important option.  I have seen agony on the faces of women not able to bear babies on their own.  I have two cousins who were adopted and they are 100% a part of our family.  They gave their parents what they could not achieve on their own and have been a source of joy to them ever since.  In Canada, using public adoption, couples may have to wait seven years to adopt a baby.  For an older child, the wait is usually shorter, but by that time, most of them have been in and out of foster care or their biological parents homes for years.  I hope that someday, we can provide a permanent home for a child who has been denied one in their young life.  The question is, why do people have to resort to expensive medical procedures or overseas adoption to hold a baby in their arms?  My answer: there aren’t many unwanted babies anymore.  In other words, they are seldom carried to term if they are unwanted by their biological mother.  Even though they are very much wanted by childless couples.  I can only hope that in the future, we will see more education about the blessing those young (or at times, not so young) mothers could be to families wanting to adopt.  Yes, their bodies will look different, and they may have to take time off of work or school to give birth.  Yes, they will deal with emotional issues as they give up that child, but they will know that the life they helped to create is being taken care of by a loving family.

My point wasn’t so much to get into the abortion issue, but the question of why or how any woman could give birth to a child and then abandon it to death or illness.  And how many of these children have been overlooked and lie forgotten in dumps around the world?

Oops..skipped another one.

December 10, 2007

I really didn’t intend to make a habit of week skipping.  I like writing every week, even when things haven’t changed much.  I did have some change last week, though – my belly popped!  I have been able to feel a little difference for awhile now, but only when I was laying on my back and pressing on my stomach.  Now I just can’t suck it all in anymore.  This is definitely earlier than it was with Jenny and Elias – but it is my third baby, so I shouldn’t be surprised.  It would be quite nice if I would start feeling the baby move earlier than normal, too.  With Jenny, I was 18 weeks  pregnant when I started feeling her move, with Elias, I was 19 weeks pregnant….so it’s possible I won’t feel it for another four or five weeks.  But, I also lost twenty-five pounds after baby weight this last year, so I’ve got a little less padding in that area now.  They (pregnancy experts) often say that thinner women feel movement sooner, so maybe I’ll luck out. 

My sister-in-law is eighteen weeks now, so I expect to be hearing pretty soon that she’s started feeling the baby move.  Since it’s her first, she probably won’t recognize it at first, like a lot of women.  When I was pregnant with Jenny, I didn’t believe it until it went on for three or four days.  That little fluttering was just so tiny, it was hard to believe that was the baby.  After I had her, every little bubble of gas or rumbling of my stomach reminded me of baby movement.  I’ve heard other moms say the same thing.  So with this pregnancy, I’ve actually felt things a few times that made me think of the baby, but I’m smart enough to know if there’s only one baby, I wouldn’t feel it yet. 

 Well, not much to say this week, except that I am still getting sick, even though I’ve officially moved into the second trimester (yippee!!).  Maybe by next week, and certainly I hope, by the time I have my ultrasound, I’ll be free of nausea.  My first ultrasound with Jenny was in my eighteenth week and after forgetting to eat breakfast, I drank the required one and a half litres of water…and promptly threw it all up.  I’ve remembered to be more careful since that one.  Eat breakfast and then drink your fluids.  My weak bladder (in the sense that after babies, it doesn’t like holding things in too long) does not like ultrasounds at all, but I love them when you can actually see the baby.  A friend of mine has a picture of her baby “waving” in the ultrasound (another friend’s baby – I’m not kidding you  – flipped me off in his ultrasound when I went with his mom…or at least it sure looked like it).  My kids have never done anything spectacular, but we do have some neat profile shots of them from our ultrasounds.

Well, I’m off to do something more relaxing now…like take a nap or eat something.  Or watch a movie.  Or all three.  Hmmm….that’s a good idea, actually.  Adios.