I’ve reached a new low

April 30, 2008

My ice cravings finally got so bad that I did the unthinkable.  I bought ice.  Gasp.  I was growing tired of refilling the trays at home and stopping for the good small ice chips at restaurants, so I bought a big bag of ice that barely fit in my freezer for about $2.89.  Not so bad, really, considering that I’ve probably spent that in gas money (HA! more than that, I’m sure) driving to fast food places to ask for free ice in the biggest cup they can spare.  Speaking of that, I got reprimanded at Wendy’s (did I already mention that?) and then proceeded to feel guilty every time I tried to get ice without buying anything.  If I’m actually eating something, that’s different – if they’ll give you free water, they will give you free ice.  So, now I have a nice little supply that should last me the rest of this week (I think).  They’re not ideal ice chips, but rather the round kind that are about an inch long and have a hole through the middle.  Still, they’re better than homemade ice. 

Did all of that sound as completely ridiculous as I think it did??  Good.  That’s my life.

So, my doctor’s appointment yesterday revealed that I have gained more like four pounds in two weeks, rather than what I was hoping for at a pound per week.  I’m not going to freak out about this because my doctor says it’s just fine.  It’s just that I have this fear of hitting forty pounds gained in a pregnancy.  I know, I probably have readers that have gained a whole lot more than forty, but so far, thirty-three is the most I’ve gained in a pregnancy and I’d love to keep it that way.  It just makes it easier to lose the weight afterward. 

Other than weight, my doctor seemed pleased with everything.  I’m measuring large for where I’m at, which is not a suprise because my babies come big.  In fact, she didn’t suggest a change in my due date, but just agreed with me that the baby is big like Jenny was (and Elias should have been).  When I mentioned the fact that I’ve been getting Braxton Hicks very frequently even when I’m sitting down, and that they hurt, she said she figures I’ll be early.  I’m not convinced of this, but you never know.  I am convinced that Elias being born early was my fault and not the way it should have been.  I expect to be late.  I expect..to be…late.  Sigh. 

The highlight of the day (Tuesday) was making sweet potato and avacado sushi and going to a friend’s house for lunch.  She kept Elias for me while Jenny and I went to the doctor, which is always a treat.  That little boy does not like being confined to a stroller and does not like being told what to do (i.e. sit still, don’t stand up in the stroller, come back here, you little…).  Jenny does somewhat better, although the draw of the play area is a bigger thing for her than her brother.  I brought her with me yesterday because she has now had diarrhea for more than three weeks.  She doesn’t seem sick, is eating fine, hasn’t had a fever, but seemingly can’t get back to normal digestion.  So now I get the super fun task of collecting a stool sample.  Hooray for me!  I am willing to go through it, because obviously, a small child who can’t process things normally is somewhat worrisome.  They’re testing her white blood cell count and in the middle of the night last night, all I could think about was leukemia.  I laid there crying, attempting to go back to sleep and imagining life without my beautiful Jenny.  This is a very bad habit.  Before I had her, when Mike still went out of town for work, I would imagine all sorts of awful things when he was five minutes late calling or getting home.  And now that I have children, I have three people to think this way about (well, four, because I also worry that I might lose the baby). 

Turns out Jenny has only one symptom of leukemia – the diarrhea thing – and I shouldn’t worry.  Not only that, but if it became something we had to face, my cousin went through it when she was three or four and so my family has been there before.  I shouldn’t worry anyway, because I know it’s not good for me and God doesn’t like it (really…I imagine it breaks His heart that we worry so much sometimes). 

Well, now that I’ve brought back my fears and cried a little more, I think I’ll go read about food.  I always feel better when I do that. 

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First things first.  I am thirty-two weeks pregnant and I have gained approximately twenty-two pounds as of Tuesday.  If I gain the average of one pound each remaining week (just an average, but I’m counting on sticking to it more or less), I’ll reach thirty pounds of gain when I’m at forty weeks.  This works for me, as I gained thirty-three with Jenny and twenty-seven with Elias and I like the idea of making it through three pregnancies gaining relatively the same amount of weight.  Not only that, but I lost the weight after Jenny in six months and after Elias, I lost it in six weeks.  This seems to be based on nursing alone, because I haven’t worked out like crazy after giving birth or anything.  The six week weight loss must have been from nursing, because I always take it pretty easy during that time.  However, I am aware that I shouldn’t get lazy just because I’ve had it easy before.  I have every intention of at least going walking with the kids after the baby is born.  Unfortunately, winter walking is not very easy here, so I haven’t done much at all since September.  Summers make for good walking as long as it isn’t too hot.  I have recently discovered that my neighbour is pregnant and due in September, so I’m hoping I can talk her into walking with me some this summer.  My sister-in-law is due in three weeks, so she may make a good walking buddy, too, although her idea of walking is more like hiking.  Hiking with one kid strapped to your back or front is one thing, but attempting it with three kids is not something I’d want to try on my own.

On to my title.  Everyone keeps asking me if I’m anemic, because I want ice all the time.  I have found that it is just part of pregnancy for me to want ice in large quantities, and each time my iron levels have been tested, I’ve been fine.  It started about a  month ago, and for some time, I was content to munch on the ice at home and the ice in my glass when we went out to eat.  Now it’s gone to the next level, which sends me through the drive thru at Wendy’s at least once a week for a large cup of ice.  Yesterday, I had my customary ice at home at least twice, a large (very large) cup of ice from Wendy’s, and then a smaller cup from KFC in the evening.  I hate to know what I may be doing to my teeth, but so far, they seem to be doing all right.

Another craving I’ve been dealing with is the ever present “food I can’t get here” craving.  I frustrated myself to the point of tears two days ago because I couldn’t put a name to what I wanted.  I decided that I only had myself to blame – I’ve been reading MSG150, Enjoy Thai Food, Not Martha (not always food, but good when it is), and most recently, The GastroGnome.  These people get to eat so much good stuff, whether made by themselves or eaten out, and I am insanely jealous at times.  When I manage to make a really satisfying meal, I can ignore the envy, but when I’m feeling tired and unmotivated and wanting to go out, I really wish I had all these restaurants at my fingertips.  Particularly with the MSG crew and Naomi at The GastroGnome, I feel my jealousy sparked along with homesickness, since they are both in Seattle and a great deal of their writing centers around Seattle eateries.  MSG has been great fun to read – they’re visiting every restaurant in the International District that is open for lunch and has its primary source of income from food (no coffee shops, basically).  While some of their visits I would completely avoid (those with no vegetarian options), most of them have at the very least been entertaining to read about.  I am particularly interested in visiting Vegetarian Bistro for good dim sum, Blue and Pink for Korean food, which I haven’t had much of, and at least one place for congee, which sounds like something right up my alley.

But now I’m salivating and I should move onto something else that won’t make me hungry (which actually isn’t so bad, since I’m having lunch with my mother-in-law in half an hour).

And here it comes, folks, those other things mentioned that I hate talking about but hate living with even more.

Hemorrhoids are a fact of life for many elderly and overweight people and also for many pregnant women.  I’m just going to be honest here and say that the trouble started when I was pushing Elias out.  I was in pain for a week or so, but they went away.  And now they’re back and I’m wondering if they’re worse this time.  I’ve done everything to try to prevent them, but somehow, I ended up with the joy all over again.  And it sucks.  If you haven’t experienced these, lucky you.  If you have, I understand completely.  If you’re grossed out and think I’m silly for mentioning this, get over it.  This is a journal of my pregnancy, and at the moment, they are a part of this pregnancy.  I sincerely hope I never feel the need to mention them again, but feel I won’t be quite that lucky.

Okay, weirdness out of the way.  I had hoped to continue my productivity from last week, but because of this pain, I haven’t done much except keep the kitchen looking pretty decent all week.  And really, that’s good enough for me right now. 

Maybe by next week’s post, I’ll be over this and can write about something more uplifting.