Tick tock…

June 2, 2008

I was going to say something about counting the days, now that I’m down to less than a week before my due date. Then I realized that due dates don’t mean much and the less I think about it, the better off I’ll be. I really, really don’t want to be overdue, but I was with Jenny and it doesn’t seem like this kid is making any effort to move out yet, so I may very well go past my due date. I made it through Jenny’s birthday without giving birth, so one goal has been accomplished. Not that I would have minded having the baby a few days before her birthday, but I was a little afraid that I would have it on her birthday and then my poor kids would have to share a birthday forever. I never have thought that was very fair – it’s similar in my mind to kids born on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. It becomes very hard to celebrate one without the other and people often end up combining the two to save time and/or money. I know, Jenny’s birthday will be quite close to the baby’s, but at least it won’t be on the same day.

My goal right now is to also make it through today without going into labour, since my sister-in-law’s baby shower is tonight. However, after it’s over, I’m starting in on the self-induction stuff big time. The baby is head down and I think pretty low, I’m full term and healthy – there’s no reason that I can see not to try to get things going myself. Number one on the list of things to try – nipple stimulation. (I bet that phrase will get me some unintentional links from search engines.) I have never used this method in past pregnancies, but a friend of mine said that the one OBGYN we have in town recommended it to her, so I figure it’s a safe bet. It can bring on really strong contractions, so women are supposed to be careful, but I’m not too worried. It will either work or it won’t. The What to Expect book has a brief blurb in it that says women who started doing it at 39 weeks were much less likely to go past their due dates. That’s enough motivation for me. There are lots of other things I can try, but I’ve done most of them and none of them have worked for me in the past. I do want to try to go walking a bit more often as I know it’s good for me, but I’m not expecting that to push me into labour. And castor oil – something one of my friends swears by and has used, I believe, in all four of her pregnancies – is just way too gross for me. Not only do I hate the thought of swallowing oil, but the effects of it are just not what I want to start labour with. Yeah, let’s spend hours on the toilet emptying out our insides while having strong contractions. Um, no thanks.

Meanwhile, the ribs still hurt, but I’m getting used to it. They are making sleep a bit more difficult, as I think I wake up a bit every time I roll onto my left side. Of course, at this point, I’m waking up nearly every two hours to pee anyway, so what difference does it make? I still hurt pretty bad when I sneeze, but I think the cold is going away, so it’s not happening all that often now. I haven’t iced them in a few days and I stopped taking Tylenol, so things must be better.

Yesterday was a huge day, but somehow we got through it and didn’t feel totally awful at the end of it. Church in the morning, lunch on the way home, a short nap for the kids, I made a cake and then we had Jenny’s party. We quickly cleaned up after everyone left and ran over to Mike’s company barbeque, where at least we were fed and I didn’t have to be on my feet much at all. Most people are pretty sympathetic to hugely pregnant women, and the hostess actually recruited one of her daughters to keep the kids entertained for some of the time. I expected that we might be there for some time, but by twenty after six, things were wrapped up and the kids were acting pretty grumpy, so we decided to go to a communion service at church. Friends of ours were doing childcare, so I at least was assured that bringing the kids wouldn’t be a bad idea. They got to play with their friends (who were at the birthday party, too) and we got to sit in one place for awhile. After that, Mike’s parents were going to McDonald’s, and while we do not buy things or eat things there as a rule, they do have a nice play area, so we headed over after getting drinks for ourselves elsewhere. The kids got to play some more and by the time we got home at nearly nine o’clock, they were quite obviously in need of sleep. Jenny just had to play with her new toys first, but after fifteen minutes, we got them to bed. I then had some cleaning up to do and Mike took the time to remove all the junk from our room and put it back in the laundry room (that was how he cleaned it up so that people could come from the backyard into the house…our room was full of laundry room mess). I put in some laundry, made Mike a lunch and then read and slept until Mike came to bed. I got a foot massage out of him before we went to sleep, which was a nice treat. It must have been the shoes I was wearing, but my right foot hurt so bad I was walking funny before bed.

Anyway, today is my day “off”. So far, I have folded laundry and cleaned up a few things in the kitchen, but I’m not planning to be terribly productive, just because I wore myself out so badly yesterday. I have movies and books from the library and the kids have new toys and a clean room to play in, so they’re likely to stay entertained pretty easily today. Tomorrow, when I feel like going into labour would be nice, I can start back on things around the house, with hope that cleaning might get things going for me.

My big triumph of the day yesterday was the cake I made for Jenny. It was a boxed cake mix (I had to compromise somewhere) but with homemade filling and icing. I did a layer of raspberry puree with some sugar and cornstarch to thicken it and a layer of whipped cream in the middle of two layers of chocolate cake. I iced it with pink butter cream frosting and decorated with candy. I have made Jenny’s cakes in the past few years, but this one is definitely my favourite so far. I did some piping on it and really enjoyed that part – it may be something I do more often.  Here’s a picture (yes, I’m showing off :)):

 

Jenny\'s pink candy cake

Full Term

May 19, 2008

It’s official – I am three weeks away as of today.  Well, three weeks away from my anticipated due date, which could be off by weeks.  Not based on the baby or anything else, just based on the fact that very few women actually give birth on their due dates.  I suspect that many don’t even make it within a week.  They’re either early or late.  Last week, we were invited to a party that happened yesterday and I was asked to make sushi, so I was holding out until then to have the baby.  Also, my doctor requested my cooperation in waiting until I was technically full term.  So, today is that day and now I can have the baby.  The car seats are moved back in the van and the base to the baby seat is installed.  That was the big job, although there are lots of small tasks in the house that still need to be done…and the fact that our cradle is still being fixed (well, I hope it’s being fixed anyway).  I don’t really think of these things as a big deal, though.  The thing that keeps me holding on is my desire for another big baby.  It’s highly likely that I’ve mentioned it before, but Jenny was 9 lb. 6 oz. and eight days late, while Elias was 7 lb. 4 oz. and two and a half weeks early.  The difference was amazing and Jenny just never felt so fragile as Elias.  She was big and hearty and healthy, while I worried about him a bit more.  So as much as I don’t want to be pregnant anymore, I would like to have a bigger baby than last time. 

Really what would help is one event per week leading up to my due date that would keep me from wanting to have the baby so badly.  One party or get together, etc. and I could look forward to those things rather than my due date which is still depressingly weeks away.  Typically, my Thursday Bible study would be enough, but it’s not quite cutting it lately.  I thoroughly enjoy it, but if I had the baby..say, tonight, I would probably still go on Thursday.  If I had the baby on Wednesday, the girls could all come to see me in the hospital after the study, which would be awesome.  Therefore, it’s not imperative that I remain pregnant for that reason alone.  Unfortunately, it feels like a quiet month in the way of events.  I suppose I could try using my imagination and pretending that there were things to go to, but then I would be disappointed when the day came and it wasn’t real.

Anyway, I’m rambling now. 

In other news, my family is sick.  Elias came down with a cold last week and his nose ran and he coughed like crazy and effectively passed it on to Jenny.  Now Mike and I have a touch of it as well, although not nearly as bad as the kids.  Jenny has had a fever for most of the day and is acting very sick.  She tends to get hit with things much worse than Elias.  When he is sick, he doesn’t act quite as down as she does.  She will lay on the couch for hours at a time doing nothing and sometimes falling asleep, whereas he is rarely content to sit still.  I am sure that some of it is personality as Jenny seems to be a lot like me when I’m sick and Elias more like Mike.

The nice thing about this illness hitting us now is that tomorrow is Victoria Day and Mike has the day off.  The weather has also been very nice which makes it somewhat easier as well.  I still have lots of things on my to-do list for the house, but if necessary, I imagine we’ll all be nice and lazy tomorrow.

Aside from the cold, I’m not feeling too awful physically.  I’m paying very close attention to the baby lately, making sure that it’s moving enough and if I’m feeling hiccups or small movement down low, which would indicate that it is still head-down.  It’s possible that my kids were like this, but this baby seems to either be going nuts or totally still.  I’ve been on the monitor at the hospital twice now and the first time, the nurses were astounded at how often it moved, while the second time, they were trying to wake it up by giving me ice water to drink.  When it’s calm, it’s hard to believe that I’m carrying a child that could safely be born now.  When it’s awake, there’s no way that I can ignore it, and of course it’s grown enough to be born – it could probably crawl already if it wanted to! 

I just noticed the time stamp on this entry and thought I’d mention that, for the record, it is not yet Monday where I am writing from.  The side bar tells me that there was a draft saved at 6:16 am on Monday, May 19th.  As of this moment, it is 11:14 pm on Sunday night.  So, to clarify, my due date is three weeks from today, Sunday.  I know, nobody cares, but it matters to me right now (blame it on pregnancy…you can do that for almost anything).

I’m sure there are things I could have gone on to say, but I should probably finish doing the dishes and some other general cleaning up.  My concern is that if I went into labour in the middle of the night, my mother-in-law would have to come over to stay while the kids slept and then she’d see how bad it was in the morning.  This is one of my greatest fears…well, okay, it’s diminishing a bit year by year, but still, it’s not a nice thought.  At least if my dishes are done and there aren’t pieces of clothing and garbage strewn about, it’s not quite so bad.

If I’m still pregnant, you’ll hear from me sometime soon (or at least during my thirty-eighth week), and if I’ve had the baby, it may be sooner.  Or later.  Okay, I’d better leave it at that before I stop making any sense at all.

Thirty-six weeks

May 13, 2008

I’m not promising creativity today.  I had a long weekend full of emotional and physical upheaval (well, maybe that’s a stretch) and I’m feeling disappointed that I’m still pregnant.

Timelines are nice…I’ll go with that.

Thursday morning: Make food, pack kids into car, go to church for Bible study potluck and to practice song for Sunday morning offering.  While waiting to start practicing, my brother-in-law’s aunt comes in and announces to everyone that my sister-in-law had her baby that morning.  I had no idea and hearing it with her at the same time as everyone else wasn’t very much fun.  This combined with hormones and a very unpleasant and brief telephone confrontation with my mother-in-law led to a good hour of crying.  I managed to feel somewhat better until I got home, at which time I cried for another hour.  Fortunately, Mike called and offered to come home early.  Josh (our other brother-in-law, who Mike works with) was leaving work so that he and Lacey could go see our new nephew.  I figured that if Josh could leave, it wouldn’t hurt Mike to leave early either.  Mike came home, the kids got up from their nap, we went to the hospital and I promptly fell in love with Hayden Oliver.  I even got to change his first dirty diaper (I know, gross…but somehow I felt honored to do it).  I also decided that after all the emotions, it would be nice to just get it over with and have my baby then and there.  That obviously didn’t happen.  Still, I came home and tried all sorts of things hoping something would happen.  Decent Braxton Hicks contractions ensued…but sadly nothing more.

Friday: A relatively normal day that ended with seeing Hayden in the hospital again.  He’s such a feather – he was only two days early but weighed 5 lb 8 oz and was 18 in long.  We went out to supper afterwards and I again had some more good Braxton Hicks that led nowhere.

Saturday: Went to A&W for breakfast and actually beat everyone else there.  This is rare, but our kids just keep getting up earlier all the time.  After that, I took the kids to the Farmer’s Market and Mike went to play tennis.  When we were done, we went up to the courts and let the kids play with the extra tennis balls while I attempted to relax and not pay attention to the feeling that the baby was going to fall out of me.  Tennis finished up, we went to have ice cream with Mike’s friend Nick and then we went home.  I can’t exactly remember anything between going home and going to the hospital at 2:30 to register, but when I got there, I was again having such strong contractions that the lady doing my paperwork suggested that I go upstairs and get on the monitor.  About forty-five minutes later, I walked out of the hospital after even my strongest Braxton Hicks couldn’t be seen on the screen.  At least I got some good hospital ice out of the deal.  In the evening, we ran over to drop Mom’s birthday present off and the kids jumped on the trampoline for a while.  Ran to the store, bought a few things for supper, saw smoke and decided to investigate, drove out to find it was just a field burning, drove down to Taylor to pick up a movie and went home.  I then fed the kids sandwiches in tortillas and put them to bed before making our supper.  We watched Juno and I spent almost the whole movie grabbing onto Mike’s foot or hand and breathing through contractions, hoping that they might lead somewhere.  I liked the movie, but it was a bit depressing watching a pregnancy go so fast.

Sunday: Wasn’t sure if we would go to church, but felt it was unfair to the kids to deprive them of that time, so we went anyway.  I’m not a big fan of Mother’s Day because of some things that happened a few years ago, so I wasn’t sure how I would do.  However, I got to see my nephew again and that mostly made up for it.  We went out after church and actually ate somewhere new that wasn’t packed with people.  I had some phenomenal salmon nuggets (it was better than it sounds) and rice and Mike had halibut and chips.  After this pleasing lunch, we were able to go straight home and put the kids to bed.  I worked a bit in the living room rearranging furniture while Mike ran back down to Taylor to take the movie back.  I then had a nice nap on the couch with the front shade up, which was like laying in the sun, and when I woke up, my aunt was on the phone.  When the kids got up, we went to meet the family at the park while they finished playing croquet and then we went for a barbeque at Josh and Lacey’s.  I got to hold Hayden again, this time for about forty-five minutes, and it was lovely.  It was a bit strange holding such a new baby and feeling by own baby kicking me from the inside.  I can’t wait to see these kids next to each other (mine will more than likely dwarf Hayden).  Mike was very good to me all day and made sure that we were doing what I wanted to do, which is the agreement we have with birthdays and Mother’s and Father’s Day.  We played Phase Ten after we got the kids to bed and even though Mike usually complains because he’s no good at games like that, he won. 

Monday: A normal day until the evening – I actually got a lot of work done on our bedroom during the day and wasn’t having contractions like crazy, which was very nice.  We went to the church at seven for English Corner and a membership meeting that I was speaking at.  The kids got to hang out with Marcy, which was nice for them and nice for Mike, who didn’t have to keep after them while playing games upstairs.  I gave my three minute blurb on our Bible study (twice) and then we went home.  I spent about two hours having really nice Braxton Hicks that made me very uncomfortable, but then they quit.  I have resigned myself to four more weeks of pregnancy.

Tuesday (today): A little more productivity in the morning and then a doctor’s appointment.  I have lost weight – not much, only about a pound in two weeks – and everything else is good.  I am anemic, so I get to start taking Floradix (yay) until the baby is born.  Also, this was the week for the strep test, so she checked for the positiion of the baby and everything else while she was at it.  Baby is head down – let’s hope it stays that way – and I am sealed up tight.  Also, the baby’s head is still somewhat far up, so I guess waiting longer for it to be born will be good as it was that situation that made me end up on Pitocin when I was having Elias.  I’m trying to be positive, telling myself that there are still things to be done before the baby is due and that I want a big healthy baby and not a premature one – even a few weeks premature.  I’m going to keep on like this as much as I can and keep being as productive as I can be without totally wearing myself out.  I’m also going to stay away from the hospital unless I’m in incredible pain or my water breaks.  Or I feel the urge to push, which would definitely send me in ASAP.  I’m also going to drink some more Raspberry Leaf tea (I got the remainder of Alaina’s on Sunday and they’re already gone) and try to go walking more often.  I don’t necessarily want to be early, but I would like to have a quick and easy labour, and these things may just help.

I’m sorry that this is lacking in eloquence and is so long winded.  I may not be very entertaining for the next few weeks (I use it all up in real life). 

One day of weirdness

May 7, 2008

Fortunately, it passed after only a day, but it did start early and last until the afternoon, which was not fun.  I got up, felt fine, got the kids breakfast, started to eat my own breakfast and suddenly had severe vertigo.  I then started to feel sick to my stomach and spent the next hour debating whether I should call the doctor or go in or not.  I finally called and was told that I should come in if I wasn’t feeling better after laying down for awhile.  This is, of course, easier said than done, but I made do by putting the kids in their room to play for an hour while I laid on the couch and then putting on a movie and continuing to lay on the couch while one or both children climbed all over me.  After a few hours, nothing had improved much, so I took the kids to my sister-in-law’s and went to the clinic to have my blood pressure tested.  It was a bit low, but nothing too awful, and the baby’s heart rate was fine, also.  My blood sugar was normal, so all there was left to do was to have a non-stress test.  Hooray.  Fortunately, my doctor told me that as long as I did it before eight o’clock, it was fine – I didn’t have to do it right away.  I had orders to go home and rest and so after picking up the kids, that’s what I did.  I went for my non-stress test in the evening after Mike got home and the only strange thing about it was that the baby moved like crazy.  Both nurses were astounded at the number of movements noted on the chart.  I stayed for about forty-five minutes, all the while thinking that although I can’t wait to meet this baby and be in the hospital for that reason, I don’t wish to be back there until the blessed event itself.  I had a strange nurse who kept insisting that the baby was a boy (okay, it could be..but still, what does she know?) and who pronounced centimeters “sontimeters”.  For some reason, that sort of made me feel weird about her.

Well, that felt like one big run-on, but my mind is going fast today.  Last night was interesting – to bed at ten, up at midnight to take Jenny to the bathroom, where she pooped and gave me the stool sample I’ve been waiting on for a few days now.  I then had to divide it into three cups (fun, fun) and store it in a paper bag in the refrigerator overnight.  Gross.  I went back to bed and couldn’t fall asleep.  Too many things on my mind, so I finally got up to make myself a to-do list.  Writing a to-do list turned into writing and addressing six Mother’s Day cards, printing pictures to go in the cards, finishing my citizenship application and checking on passport requirements for Mike.  Around two o’clock I went back to bed because I finally felt like I could fall asleep.  Instead, I lay there for another half an hour at least, feeling like I could throw up.  I so want to have this baby – it’s making it very hard for me to sleep.  Okay, so I don’t want to be four weeks early, but I’m starting to feel like it wouldn’t be so bad to be a little early.

Another run-on.  Oh, well, at least I’m writing this week.  Today, I dropped off the sample at the hospital, mailed my Mother’s Day cards and went grocery shopping, all before noon.  I am way too proud of myself.  My goal for the day – getting my potluck menu ready for tomorrow (I’m thinking cucumber sandwiches, pasta salad, lemon squares and guacamole…or maybe I’ll do sushi…we’ll see), cleaning the entryway and maybe starting on my bedroom.  But who knows, by the time I get the kids down for a nap, I may be exhausted again.  It’s getting very difficult for me to plan ahead lately.

Well, enough run-on’s.  I am thirty-five weeks pregnant, my next appointment is next Tuesday, after which I’ll start on once a week appointments.  I’m finally reaching the end!  Hooray! 

Well, on most days, anyway.  I’m trying it out now because I am feeling a bit down.  My first thought about writing about this here was that it feels pointless sometimes.  I wonder if anyone bothers to read, and then I think – Who cares?  It is a great way for me to feel like I’m writing to an audience rather than just to myself.  Even if no one reads it, I can tell myself that someone does.

Seriously, I am lacking in motivation, frustrated with my house and my kids and my body.  Very frustrated with the fact that I have five weeks left of this pregnancy (give or take a few days).  I want to hold my baby and watch all of this melt away.  Since I’ve been there before, I know that’s exactly what will happen – at least for the first day or so. 

I am keeping up on my dishes (mostly), my laundry (mostly), and trying to get into the habit of making sure the kids’ room is clean before they go to bed at night.  It feels pointless at times, but I know someone has to do it.  I have little moments of joy – like making muffins that have to be the best I’ve ever made in my life, and assembling a gift for my sister-in-law that hopefully will be useful to her before her baby is born.  Knowing that I’ll at least get to hold her baby soon does help a bit.  The house is another story.  I had a goal.  A number of separate projects that could be finished in a day or two individually.  I finished the kitchen and the bathroom and half of the kids’ room.  I have the living room, laundry room and my bedroom to finish.  The living room is the one that gets me.  I haven’t been bothering to clean up at all because I tell myself that one of these days I’ll do a really thorough job of it and so worrying about the day to day is silly.  But then I see the mess on the floor and the clutter that just needs to be gathered up and put away and it makes me feel awful.  It doesn’t help that when the kids are awake and not confined to their rooms, they follow me around and won’t leave me alone.  By the time I get them playing in their room or napping, I feel like sitting down and doing nothing. 

I think tonight will be one of those when I get some Mommy time.  I hope it will be, anyway.  I need a few hours to myself that are not being used for productivity and are not in my own house.  Really, though, it would be even better if I could have a date night with Mike.  I told him last week that he is in charge of arranging babysitting in advance and taking me out soon.  Too often, our date nights are spur of the moment, call his parents half an hour before, rush to feed the kids some supper, drop them off and then feel rushed and guilty through the whole thing.  We have one girl who wants to babysit for us, but she’s a bit young to do it on her own yet.  She’s going to help me out this summer by coming and playing with the kids once in awhile so that I can have time with the baby or by myself – hopefully by the fall, she’ll be at the point where we can trust her with Jenny and Elias.  It may be awhile before we would leave a baby with anyone, though.  My committment to nursing makes it hard to leave our kids with anyone until they’re over six months old.  I will not bend, though.  The only thing that would keep me from it would be a serious problem with the baby that made it impossible to nurse.  I sincerely hope I never have to face that.

I feel like I’m all over the board today, but some of it is venting and some of it is just filling space.  I’ve already written for this week of pregnancy, but this just felt like the best place to say some of this.

At this moment, I feel like I can’t remember most of what I just wrote.  Don’t worry, I’m not drinking or on drugs or in labour.  Just pregnant and losing a brain cell or two every day.

First things first.  I am thirty-two weeks pregnant and I have gained approximately twenty-two pounds as of Tuesday.  If I gain the average of one pound each remaining week (just an average, but I’m counting on sticking to it more or less), I’ll reach thirty pounds of gain when I’m at forty weeks.  This works for me, as I gained thirty-three with Jenny and twenty-seven with Elias and I like the idea of making it through three pregnancies gaining relatively the same amount of weight.  Not only that, but I lost the weight after Jenny in six months and after Elias, I lost it in six weeks.  This seems to be based on nursing alone, because I haven’t worked out like crazy after giving birth or anything.  The six week weight loss must have been from nursing, because I always take it pretty easy during that time.  However, I am aware that I shouldn’t get lazy just because I’ve had it easy before.  I have every intention of at least going walking with the kids after the baby is born.  Unfortunately, winter walking is not very easy here, so I haven’t done much at all since September.  Summers make for good walking as long as it isn’t too hot.  I have recently discovered that my neighbour is pregnant and due in September, so I’m hoping I can talk her into walking with me some this summer.  My sister-in-law is due in three weeks, so she may make a good walking buddy, too, although her idea of walking is more like hiking.  Hiking with one kid strapped to your back or front is one thing, but attempting it with three kids is not something I’d want to try on my own.

On to my title.  Everyone keeps asking me if I’m anemic, because I want ice all the time.  I have found that it is just part of pregnancy for me to want ice in large quantities, and each time my iron levels have been tested, I’ve been fine.  It started about a  month ago, and for some time, I was content to munch on the ice at home and the ice in my glass when we went out to eat.  Now it’s gone to the next level, which sends me through the drive thru at Wendy’s at least once a week for a large cup of ice.  Yesterday, I had my customary ice at home at least twice, a large (very large) cup of ice from Wendy’s, and then a smaller cup from KFC in the evening.  I hate to know what I may be doing to my teeth, but so far, they seem to be doing all right.

Another craving I’ve been dealing with is the ever present “food I can’t get here” craving.  I frustrated myself to the point of tears two days ago because I couldn’t put a name to what I wanted.  I decided that I only had myself to blame – I’ve been reading MSG150, Enjoy Thai Food, Not Martha (not always food, but good when it is), and most recently, The GastroGnome.  These people get to eat so much good stuff, whether made by themselves or eaten out, and I am insanely jealous at times.  When I manage to make a really satisfying meal, I can ignore the envy, but when I’m feeling tired and unmotivated and wanting to go out, I really wish I had all these restaurants at my fingertips.  Particularly with the MSG crew and Naomi at The GastroGnome, I feel my jealousy sparked along with homesickness, since they are both in Seattle and a great deal of their writing centers around Seattle eateries.  MSG has been great fun to read – they’re visiting every restaurant in the International District that is open for lunch and has its primary source of income from food (no coffee shops, basically).  While some of their visits I would completely avoid (those with no vegetarian options), most of them have at the very least been entertaining to read about.  I am particularly interested in visiting Vegetarian Bistro for good dim sum, Blue and Pink for Korean food, which I haven’t had much of, and at least one place for congee, which sounds like something right up my alley.

But now I’m salivating and I should move onto something else that won’t make me hungry (which actually isn’t so bad, since I’m having lunch with my mother-in-law in half an hour).

And here it comes, folks, those other things mentioned that I hate talking about but hate living with even more.

Hemorrhoids are a fact of life for many elderly and overweight people and also for many pregnant women.  I’m just going to be honest here and say that the trouble started when I was pushing Elias out.  I was in pain for a week or so, but they went away.  And now they’re back and I’m wondering if they’re worse this time.  I’ve done everything to try to prevent them, but somehow, I ended up with the joy all over again.  And it sucks.  If you haven’t experienced these, lucky you.  If you have, I understand completely.  If you’re grossed out and think I’m silly for mentioning this, get over it.  This is a journal of my pregnancy, and at the moment, they are a part of this pregnancy.  I sincerely hope I never feel the need to mention them again, but feel I won’t be quite that lucky.

Okay, weirdness out of the way.  I had hoped to continue my productivity from last week, but because of this pain, I haven’t done much except keep the kitchen looking pretty decent all week.  And really, that’s good enough for me right now. 

Maybe by next week’s post, I’ll be over this and can write about something more uplifting.

Well, at least some days include every day miracles that make you glad you’ve chosen to live like this.  We went to bed early Sunday night for the first time in a very long time.  Mike has had hockey nearly every Sunday night since September (as in, maybe he’s had three Sundays off in that whole time), and as a result, we haven’t gotten to bed early on a Sunday night in ages.  After the horrors of Saturday night – oh, yeah, I didn’t talk about that yet – we had a nap Sunday afternoon and went to bed by ten that night.  Although I had the requisite three wakings to use the bathroom, none of them involved Jenny getting up at the same time – miracle number one.  When Mike got up to shower in the morning, Jenny woke up and I resigned myself to another early morning.  However, I managed to leave Elias crying in his bed – figuring that I would only get him up if he was really upset for awhile.  Jenny came back to bed with me and promptly went back to sleep.  We slept until ten – miracle number two!  Elias stayed asleep that whole time and Jenny only woke up once to ask for water and then went back to sleep.  I think she was still getting over being a bit sick over the weekend and just needed the sleep, but it has been ages since she slept in so late.  We had an easy morning with everyone being content with their breakfast and then Elias played in their room and Jenny laid on the couch while I cleaned the bathroom – miracle number three.  When they went down for their nap, I managed to clean out the van and still have time to watch a movie and relax before the kids got up – miracle number four. 

It was probably really vital to my sanity to have so much sleep and so many good things in one day after Saturday night.  Jenny kept getting up before we went to bed and when we finally did get to bed sometime after one, she still wasn’t sleeping.  We brought her into our room hoping she would sleep, but it seemed that every time I managed to drift off, she’d say something or push her feet against my back or something equally obnoxious.  I finally put her back to bed around two-thirty.  I had just drifted off (yet again) when I heard her yelling that she had to poop.  She yelled it twice and then suddenly started scream/crying and saying it again.  I got to her door, brought her into the bathroom, turned on the light and only then realized that I hadn’t made it in time.  She had diarrhea that had absolutely no substance and was now pooling on the rug and a dozen other places along the hallway.  I yelled for Mike to come clean things up a bit while I got Jenny cleaned up.  After some effort to do it sans water, I finally figured that a bath was the only way out.  So, Jenny happily took a three AM bath.  The major frustration wasn’t even the fact that we had to clean up so much and do laundry and give her a bath, it was that she was giddy about it.  She’s potty trained – she knows that she shouldn’t poop her pants (not that she could have helped it), but she was all excited about the bath and kept reminding me that she had pooped her pants. 

All through the bath, Mike was attempting to get Elias back to sleep, since all the activity had woken him up.  He got him to sleep and as soon as he laid him down in bed, he woke up again.  Once Jenny was back in bed, we went back to bed for five minutes before deciding that it would be wise to bring Elias in with us to see if I could get him to sleep with a little snuggling.  Fortunately, it worked pretty quickly, but it was still around four when I finally went to sleep.  Jenny was then up again to go the bathroom just before seven.  After that, we slept until ten, but I was dragging all morning.  So obviously, the nap, early night and sleeping in Monday morning were all very important for me. 

This morning was a bit earlier than yesterday, but nothing unusual.  My housecleaning goal this week is to do one relatively small job each day and more if I can handle it.  I have a huge list, but I think today I might try to tackle the laundry room.  Now that hockey is done for the year, Mike’s equipment can be moved out to the shed again and I can have my laundry room back.  The only trouble is that it’s also full of other junk.  Recycling needs to go out, shelves that are stacked on the floor need to be put up in the kids’ room and various other things just need to find better homes.

My big goal is to have the house in much better order before the baby is born.  If I wait too long, I will just wear myself out and risk not getting it done.  I have a habit of getting so frustrated with the state of things that I try to do everything all at once and just frustrate myself even more when I can’t get it all done.  I’m hoping that the one small job a day plan will work for me. 

Of course, pregnancy is only making everything more complicated, but nothing is out of the ordinary.  I’m two months away from D-day today, but it still feels like a long way off.  Of course, in another month, I’ll probably feel even more like that – as if it will never end.  I can hardly wait to be done with it and hold my baby.  I’m certain that no matter how many times I do it, that part will never get old.  With Jenny, it was maybe a bit more amazing, just because it was the first time I’d ever held my own child in my arms, but the amount of love I felt for Elias was certainly no less than when Jenny was born. 

For anyone reading who has one child and worries that they wouldn’t have enough love for a second child because they love their first so much, don’t worry – it won’t be a problem. 

Until next week…

I’ve had bad days before – plenty of them.  I’ve had awful days and in-between days, but every so often, I just have one of “those days”.  The kind that makes you feel like curling up in a ball and shutting everything out – including the people you love.  I love my kids and I love my husband, but the demands on my time have suddenly come to a crescendo.  Here’s my day….starting last night (because that’s a big part of it):

Guilt trip Mike into doing dishes around nine o’clock, feel guilty about it, but whatever.

Get up at one o’clock to deal with Jenny, who has pooped her pants.  I saw it coming, but what can you do?  Toddler with diarrhea, no diapers, this is what you get sometimes.

Get up at six o’clock to go the bathroom, take Jenny again just in case she feels like repeating her accident a second time.

Wake up when Mike gets up, wonder why he’s leaving so early, go back to sleep hoping that the kids sleep in a bit.

Wake up approximately twenty minutes after Mike leaves and force myself to get out of bed to get the kids up.  Spend the next hour (or more) in bed with them trying to wake up.

Feed everybody breakfast of pound cake and strawberries.  Am I a good mother or what?  Just so concerned with my children’s diets.

Fast forward…the in-between hours weren’t so bad, mostly the same as any other day.

Make very nice lunch of salmon and green and yellow beans that Jenny actually eats (it’s a miracle – I guess I get one today after all).  Watch Elias proceed to put most of his lunch onto his lap.

Go to doctor’s appointment and deal with kids that don’t want to remain in the stroller.  Ask doctor about Elias’ skin condition and finally get a small breakthrough – a referral to a dermatologist.  Of course, it can’t be in town, but has to be two and a half hours away and probably completely at the whim of that office as to when we go in.  Look forward to driving to Grande Prairie by myself, as it is bound to be on a day that Mike won’t be able to get off work.

On the way home, listen to demands from Jenny for gum that lead to consequences for her that had to wait until we got home, which is not my favourite way of doing things.  Go through the process of telling her why she’s in trouble a good ten minutes after she’s been yelling at me. 

Put the kids to bed, fortunately without much trouble.

Come out into the kitchen, look around the house and cry. 

Balance on the verge of tears while writing and checking my email.

That’s the kind of day it has been.  The vastly overwhelming kind that really does make me wish I could take a nap for about a week.  Even napping today should be out of the question, regardless of how tired I am.  In this house, if I don’t do it or beg Mike to do it, it doesn’t get done.  That counts for everything.  I have laundry piling up, the kids’ room is a mess (although nothing can be done about that while they’re sleeping, anyway), the kitchen is a wreck, the living room is…you guessed it, a wreck, and the remains of lunch are still waiting for me in the high chair where Elias left them. 

All that and I’m having pain in my stomach again because of the baby.  And I feel like eating lots of junk and drinking chocolate milk and laying on the couch reading until I fall asleep.  And then when Mike gets home, turning him to robot mode where he’ll do all the chores without complaining or remembering having done them.  Okay, so the second thing isn’t actually possible, but I sure wish it was sometimes.  A robot would be nice.

As for pregnancy (I guess I’d better throw it in here, even though I mostly just feel like complaining today), everything is ship shape.  No diabetes (no surprise there), slightly low hemoglobin, but not low enough to worry about, normal blood pressure, normal weight gain, measuring appropriately for my due date, active baby with strong heart beat.  If only the rest of my life were that easy.

Lickety Split

March 2, 2008

As in…this has to be quick, but I didn’t want to miss another week.  If I can manage it, I am determined to stay weekly on this until the birth of this child (which at this point feels light years away…whatever a light year feels like). 

I am doing better this week, but there is still an underlying feeling of disappointment with the world around me and my situation.  I have talked to my parents and my siblings in the last week, which is great, and things don’t seem quite so difficult with my in-laws in some ways, but things still feel uneasy.  I think I will have to fight depression for the rest of this pregnancy and more than likely every other one I ever go through.  It’s not a surprise to me, but it is still a burden that I would rather not bear. 

On a much lighter (well, in one way, anyway) note, I have been baking this week and enjoying it thoroughly.  I made brownies on Wednesday, chocolate chip cookies on Thursday and raspberry oatmeal bars on Friday.  I also took on a new venture and made my own butter on Friday.  It’s much easier than it sounds (just put heavy cream and salt in the blender and blend until it separates) and it tastes so nice.  I think it will be something I do often.  If it worked out cheaper to always buy cream and do it at home, I probably would, but I think in the end, it isn’t cheaper than buying my butter.  At least with butter, the ingredient list is rather short.  Cream, salt, and sometimes colouring (although it’s easy to get butter without the salt or colouring).  Margarine on the other hand…well, don’t get me started there.  I won’t ever quit. 

As for pregnancy, I’m feeling particularly pregnant this week, like things started happening again in there and the baby is growing (go figure).  I’m wrapping up week twenty-five already and that at least tells me that I’m getting there.  That and the fact that this kid won’t let me forget it (internally or externally).  It’s not keeping me up yet, but I am finally at the point of getting up more than once in the night to use the bathroom.  The only way I can avoid that is to stop drinking around supper time.  The trouble with that (and my sister-in-law says she’s the same way) is that I get very thirsty before bed.  I feel like gulping down glass after glass of water and then having more from the water bottle on my bedside table.  So it’s kind of my fault and not just the baby’s that I have to get up so much.  It’s not so bad, though, because half the time I have to get up anyway to take Jenny to the bathroom. 

I can happily report that it’s been more than a month that my daughter has been out of diapers completely.  She had been day trained for months, but we were reluctant to quit at night because she wasn’t waking up dry very often.  Finally, after getting past two and a half, we decided it was past time and we tried it for a week.  We’ve had our fair share of wet beds and midnight wakings, but it’s worth it.  For one thing, we now only have to diaper Elias, which means we’re going through diapers very slowly.  I did cloth on him for a few months, but then I got pregnant and went back to disposable most of the time.  I think my goal is to go cloth on the baby almost 100% of the time.  My in-laws really wouldn’t want to deal with cloth, though, so for times that the baby is with them or another babysitter, we’ll probably do disposable.  We’re getting our tax refund (a nice big one) in a few weeks, and I’m planning to get a good supply of one-size diapers from Mother-ease.  I really like the quality and the package deals are pretty reasonable – plus I’ll get free shipping if my order is big enough (and it will be).  The great thing about cloth diapering a newborn is that you can put the dirty ones straight into the wash without rinsing them out.  Breastmilk poop (mmm) is water soluble, so it doesn’t need pre-rinsing.  Yes, I know disposables are more convenient in many ways, but I just can’t excuse the number I end up throwing away, especially with new babies.  It’s kind of gross when you think about it.  What I can’t wait to try are the flushable diapers…I guess they would cost more in the long run, but for traveling or for babysitters, at least I would know that the diaper is going to decompose very quickly compared to disposables and be just as easy as getting rid of a disposable, rather than having to store a cloth diaper.

I said this would be quick, but I’m approaching nine hundred words at this point.  It is 10:30 on a Saturday night, which means I have to get up in the morning and I still have laundry to fold and dishes to do before I go to bed.  It would also benefit me greatly to get the kids clothes ready for church and make sure I have all the right stuff in the diaper bag.  Planning ahead can do a lot for me – I just don’t do it much.

I broke nine hundred.  Guess it’s time to go.  See you next week.   

Well, maybe the word “vacation” is stretching it, but the last time I was away from home at all was for my sister-in-law’s college grad last April and we were there for two nights. This time it’s a conference in Edmonton and we’ll be in a hotel for three nights in very nice rooms.

As for the exercise, I can promise you, it was totally accidental. I had to go to the shed to get some luggage for our trip and on the way there, I decided that it would be smart to shovel a path all the way. Ugh. The snow I was shoveling had to be a foot deep (just the stuff I shoveled, not all the way to the ground, even) and it’s a long way to the shed. A really long way. But at least now we’ll be able to get in and out for awhile without being up to our knees in snow. Huffing and puffing and straining is not so easy when you’re five months pregnant…but whatever. I guess it means less work when I have to put the luggage back after we get home.

As for the baby, I had a doctor’s appointment today and my ultrasound was perfectly ordinary. Actually, they called it unremarkable and I like that; it means everything is normal. I’m still feeling like this one is a girl…but we’ll just have to wait until June.

In other news….Jenny found a library book and coloured all over it with a red marker. Yay, Jenny! So I owe the library $22 now to replace it. I think I might be able to get it cheap online though and then just pay the processing fee to the library. Hopefully…I know I can get the book for like $7 on Amazon. Anyway, hooray for two year olds (she won’t be two much longer…yikes!).

My stomach is growling and I still have lots to do so that’s all for week twenty. See you next week, faithful readers. (Har har…I just couldn’t resist…since I do know I have a few of those :))